Because repressed emotions cannot be cured with medication.
My hands felt cold and clammy. However, it seemed like a mile when I was just 10 feet away from the toilet on the aircraft. At regular intervals, I felt as though everything inside of me wanted to come to the surface. Giardia causes these symptoms. As soon as the germs move in, they expel anything in their path.
Despite being ill, I was ready to travel continents, and I was hardly able to get up. As my stomach churned, I was able to suppress my feelings. I was moving out of the house I'd been living in for the last three years. I was in the process of shifting jobs. We're moving. Everything in my life is being ripped out from under me. After then, I didn't even know what was going to happen next. The sixteen-hour trip to the United States was the next step.
In the previous week...
It's impossible to know for sure whether the food you're consuming is safe. Bacteria, on the other hand, cannot be seen.
I ate a lot of food while I was saying farewell to all my pals. It's possible that there were germs on a piece of food at some point. Infectious bacterium.
Bacteria exist in the same way as emotions. Lurking. I'm just waiting for the right moment to attack.
Just as there are good and terrible emotions, there are good and harmful microorganisms.
In some way, I allowed some of the harmful germs to go in via my pores.
There was a ticking time bomb in my gut. Then, just as I was about to go on my trip, it exploded.
I began to sweat as I said my goodbyes. Suddenly, everything made sense. A weird sensation in my stomach made sense since I felt sorry to be leaving. I've never been excellent at handling my emotions. Just my repressed sorrow got to me.
That's when it all started to happen. There was no memory of my sorrow. Only finding a bathroom mattered.
I feared for a little minute that I was going to die when I... became ill and created a huge mess. I thought it was fantastic. Unfortunately, I'm scheduled to depart tomorrow, and my tickets won't let me cancel them. Your ticket may be changed at any time. In particular, if you suffer from uncontrolled bathroom problems. The tales aren't worth the time and energy. You won't miss the money at all, I assure you. It's not like I changed it. I headed to the airport to catch a flight.
Radar for the bathroom
When on a vacation, I've never been more conscious of my surroundings, especially when it came to the toilet, as I am now. I've never packed so many outfits before. I'd planned ahead.
While I was asked if I needed anything by the flight attendants, I was unable to concentrate.
Why don't you have a beverage with me, sir?
It's not a big deal, I'm just trying to keep from peeing my trousers."
This physical turmoil left me with little time or energy to notice that I was also grieving. My ideal job was recently terminated, and I'm devastated. I had gone to a foreign country with the intention of living there for a lengthy period of time. As long as at least a decade. Which was all I could think of.
It had only been a few months. This seemed like a failure in some way. The relocation made sense, but my fantasy of living abroad was fading. It was really dead. Nevertheless, I wasn't ready to acknowledge it. At that moment, I was the personification of denial. After a while, I realized that denial was a natural part of the grieving process.
I continued repeating the logical reasons to myself over and over again. As a result, my family's requirements have changed significantly. Moving on is a wonderful thing.
But it wasn't easy. After months of deliberation, my wife and I finally made the choice. A genuine emotional torment was experienced.
During the flight over the water, I couldn't think of anything else. In the end, all of those things were put on hold as my stomach begged for mercy.
It was good to see the flight attendants again.
What would you like to eat, sir?
Yes, but I'd rather moan in the aisle... Is it possible for me to accomplish that?”
A feeling of melancholy swept through me. It was soon followed by a wave of nausea. It's difficult to say goodbye. Transition is like to being punched in the stomach.
It gets better with medicine.
The thirty-six hours of journey time were... dreadful.
What was the most practical lesson I took away from this experience? Make a change to the ticket. Be ill in a real bed, with a real restroom, at a real hospital. Later on, you'll need to board an aircraft.
One thing that went well was that I had taken a fairly big dosage of antibiotics shortly before leaving for the vacation. In the opinion of the doctor, it would eliminate all of the harmful germs in my stomach. It also eliminates all of the beneficial microorganisms. It left a metallic taste in my tongue that was extremely difficult to ignore for the rest of the day.
After a while, the bacteria's rage started to subside, and the acute sensations of sorrow that accompany the loss of a dream began to emerge. Unfortunately, there is no medication that can alleviate emotional anguish.
Probiotics found in yogurt
After what felt like a lifetime, I finally made it back to the United States. It didn't feel like I was in my own house. However, it did have a real bed and an actual toilet, which was a wonderful place to begin.
All of the microorganisms in my system had died at this point. At the time, I had no idea what an appropriate metaphor this was for my life's circumstances. Using some expensive probiotics and more yogurt than I could ever consume with a spoon, I began the long process of re-establishing the health of my digestive system.
It wasn't simple to deal with negative feelings. And sure, I am aware that there are no such things as "bad" feelings. Just the tough ones. However, they are unpleasant, particularly if you are unable to articulate or name them well.
And I wasn't very good at any of them. Nonetheless, the epic battle my body went through was much less difficult than the subsequent few years spent grieving the loss of my childhood goal.
It's all OK to be depressed.
As you can see, I was completely unaware that it was OK to feel depressed. Initially, everything would serve as a constant reminder of the life I no longer had. When I received word from my pals who were still in the camp, a knot would form in the back of my neck.
Everywhere I looked, there were reminders of what I didn't have at the time. I understand that grieving has phases, but for me, the most of the time, it was a disaster. I was in denial.
Then there's rage. After then, there will be negotiating. Then there's sorrow. Most of the time, it was simply painful. If I could go back in time, I would tell myself that it is perfectly OK to feel depressed.
The ability to identify loss when you are unhappy helps you to process the events of your life. Loss is difficult, and it is perfectly acceptable to be in a difficult situation. It has taken a long time for the mending process to begin. Some days, I'm not sure it's over in its entirety. It's possible that it will never be. The one thing I wish I had known when vomiting on the aircraft is that it is possible to recover from motion sickness. Don't run away from your feelings of sadness. It's all OK to be depressed.
Although there is no cure for sorrow, you may begin the process of healing yourself once you acknowledge your feelings.